Dirty

A tan without a tan line

A guy had a date with a really hot blonde. He wanted a tan without a tan line, so he went up on his roof and stripped. He fell asleep and woke up three hours later with a sunburn everywhere, even on his d**k. He puts lotion on it, wraps it up and gets ready for his date. The blonde comes over, and they make dinner. They’re watching a movie when the sunburn on the guy’s d**k really starts to hurt. He excuses himself to the kitchen,...

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72

Q: What’s 72? A: 69 with three people watching. Cheesy jokes...

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Lollipops

Three guys die and go to Hell. Satan asks the first guy, “What was your daddy when you were alive?” “He was a candle maker.” So, Satan burns off the guy’s d**k. Satan asks the second guy, “What was your daddy when you were alive?” “He was a rope maker.” So, Satan rips off the guy’s d**k with a rope. Satan asks the third guy, “What was your daddy when you were alive?” The...

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Turn around

A small guy enters an elevator and notices a huge guy standing next to him. The big guy looks down at him. “7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch d**k, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown.” Hearing this, the small guy faints! The big guy picks up the small guy and brings him to, slapping his face and shaking him. “What’s wrong?” “Excuse me, but what did you say?” “7 foot tall, 350...

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Six shots of Jagermeister

A young man sits down at a bar and says, “I want six shots of Jagermeister.” “Six shots!?” exclaims the bartender, “Are you celebrating something?” “My first blow job,” replies the young man. “Well, in that case,” says the bartender, slapping him on the back, “let me give you a seventh on the house.” The man holds up his hand, “No offense, sir. But if six shots...

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Sin and shame

Q: What’s the difference between sin and shame? A: It’s a sin to put it in, but a shame to pull it out. Math jokes...

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Your day in the barrel

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they’re at sea for so long. “Let me show you,” says the captain. He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there’s a solitary barrel with a hole in it....

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Drinking together

Two guys are drinking together, when one of them throws up all over himself. “Christ!” he says, “My wife is going to kill me.” His friend puts his arm around his shoulder and offers him 20 dollars. “Don’t worry,” he says, “I’m your best friend – give her this and tell her that I chucked up on your jacket, and that I gave you this money to get it cleaned.” “Fantastic,”...

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The seven dwarfs in Rome

The seven dwarfs are in Rome and they go on a tour of the city. After a while they go to the Vatican and meet the Pope. Grumpy, for once, seems to have a lot to say. He keeps asking the Pontiff questions about the church and, in particular, the nuns. “Your Holiness, do you have any really short nuns?” Grumpy asks. “No, my son, all of our nuns are at least five feet tall,” smiles the Pope. “Are you sure? I mean, you...

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