Men&Women

Why beers are better than girls

1) You always know if you are the first one to open a beer. 2) A beer never gets jealous if you grab another beer. 3) A beer never gets angry if you show up smelling of beer. 4) The colder a beer, the better. 5) You can always share a beer with your friends. 6) A beer does not get upset if you arrive at 3 AM 7) You can choose a beer from the case and, if you change your mind, you can pick another one. Halloween jokes...

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Mother of Six

A man has six children and is very proud of this fact; he even starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it’s time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, ‘Shall we go home now, Mother of Six?” His wife shouts back, “Anytime you’re ready, Father of Four!”...

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He ain’t won a damn thing

A couple walked into the supermarket. They looked confused, so a clerk walked up to them and asked them what they wanted. The couple asked for a couple of lottery tickets. He gave the tickets to them, and they paid for them. The husband looked confused again. He asked the clerk, “What the hell do I do with these damn things?” The clerk replied, “Well, you’re supposed to scratch the box and see if you’ve won anything.” The wife...

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Shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep

A man was shipwrecked with his dog and a sheep on a tiny island in the middle of nowhere. Everytime the man moved close to the sheep, his dog would snarl and growl at him. One day while walking the island he discovered a lovely naked lady. “Finally, some company!” he thought. While sitting on the shore and the watching the sunset with his new female friend, he slowly leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Hey, could you go...

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I’m pregnant

She proposed to me. How weird is that? It wasn’t thoughtful. It wasn’t romantic. She just came in and said it: “Listen, huh, I’m pregnant.” Dirty jokes...

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Till she looks good enough for me to go home

A guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer. He chugs it, looks into his pocket and asks for another beer. He chugs that beer, looks into his pocket and asks for another. The man does this a few more times until the bartender asks, “How come you ask for a beer, chug it, then look in your pocket?” The man says, “Because there is a picture of my wife in my pocket and I’m gonna keep drinking till she looks good enough for me...

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Who needs anemones

A man wanted Valentine’s Day to be special, so he bought a bottle of absinthe and stopped by the florist’s to order a bouquet of his wife’s favorite flower: white anemones. Unfortunately, the florist was sold out of flowers and had only a few stems of feathery ferns. The man asked the florist to make a bouquet out of the ferns and the flask of liquor. He added a card and proceeded home. After a romantic candlelight dinner, he...

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You’ve got mail

A man was mowing his lawn when he heard his neighbor, who happened to be a blonde, come out of her house. She opened her mailbox, looked inside and slammed it shut. She stomped her foot and went back inside. The man thought “how weird.” A few minutes passed and sure enough, the blonde came out of her house again, checked her mail box, stamped her foot and went back inside. The man stopped mowing and checked her mailbox to see what...

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