Miscellaneous

Celebrity computer viruses (IV)

Joey Buttafuoco virus: Only attacks minor files. Jerry Seinfeld virus: Program about nothing that exits when you’re really enjoying it. David Caruso NYPD Blue virus: After running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again. Pee Wee Herman virus: Exposes your confidential files to everyone. X-files virus: All your Icons start shape shifting. Spice Girl virus: Has no real function, but makes a pretty...

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Celebrity computer viruses (III)

Bill Clinton virus: Won’t let you query the system for information. Rush Limbaugh virus: Biases everything to the right. Ken Starr virus: Expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interrogation of every existing file. Creates links between unrelated data. Works extremely slow while searching and compiling results. Al Gore virus: Runs quietly in background mode but doesn’t appear to really do much of anything. Saddam...

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Celebrity computer viruses (II)

Prozac virus: Screws up your RAM but your processor doesn’t care. Sharon Stone virus: Makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it’s there. Tim Allen virus: Appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact. HBO virus: Runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week. Woody Allen virus: Bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card. NFL Blackout virus: Will only let you run programs on a remote...

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Celebrity computer viruses (I)

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer. Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored. Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte. Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB. Lorena Bobbit virus: Turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy. Dr. Jack Kevorkian virus: Searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them. Ellen Degeneres...

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Close to zero

Can’t understand how could something get close to zero? It doesn’t make sense, right? Wait until you get some credit card bills. Christmas jokes...

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Beer drinker

I used to be a big beer drinker. If you were to ask me what’s my favorite beer, I probably would have said, ‘I don’t know, the fifth one, I guess.’ That’s the one that makes me good looking and clever and even wise, and those are important qualities to have when it’s noon and you’re drinking alone on your couch. Pat Dixon Dad jokes...

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At the end of a relationship

Which of the following are you most likely to find yourself saying at the end of a relationship? a) “I hope we can still be friends.” b) “I’m not in right now, please leave a message at the beep.” c) “Welcome to Dumpsville, population, YOU.” Funniest jokes...

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Batman is a wimp

Superman once wrote on the wall: “Batman is a wimp.” The next day Batman wrote: “Superman is Clark Kent.” Best jokes...

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