Miscellaneous

Why beers are better than girls

1) You always know if you are the first one to open a beer. 2) A beer never gets jealous if you grab another beer. 3) A beer never gets angry if you show up smelling of beer. 4) The colder a beer, the better. 5) You can always share a beer with your friends. 6) A beer does not get upset if you arrive at 3 AM 7) You can choose a beer from the case and, if you change your mind, you can pick another one. Halloween jokes...

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A bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing two hikes

A bear jumps out of a bush and starts chasing two hikes. They both start running for their lives, but then one of them stops to put on his running shoes. His friends says, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!” His friend replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear; I only have to outrun you!” Best jokes ever...

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Constant bickering

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence. One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, “I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!” Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days. The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his...

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The collection officer

This mafia family was in need of a collection officer, and after screening many applicants they hired an individual who happened to be hearing impaired. He was very good at what he did, and within a week he had collected $40,000. from non-payers, however he was greedy and hid the money for himself. It didn’t take long for the mafia bosses to catch on, so they sent a couple of thugs and an interpreter to find the collector. They found him,...

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User interface

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put “U” and “I” together. And it would stand for “user interface”. Short jokes...

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Sunblock on my back

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe put sunblock on my back? Knock knock jokes...

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Would you prefer block or script letters?

A modest young lass had just purchased some lingerie and asked if she might have the sentence “If you can read this you’re too damn close” embroidered on her panties and bra. “Yes ma’am,” said the clerk. “I’m quite certain that could be done. Would you prefer block or script letters?” “Braille,” she replied. Best jokes ever...

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