During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.

All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.

Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son’s eighth birthday.

Many musical instruments – especially wind instruments and accordions – can be played without moving the fingers.

It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

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Mike Gregory